Duke and Bee Write!

Duke's Business

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:55:00 +0000

It has been a blustery, unpredictable spring for Bee and I here at the ranch. I'm visiting for a brief respite from city living. I do so love being at Camp Greenwood with its glistening stainless steel feed bowls and the automatic washing station that has its own personal fire hydrant attached. Life is good there. The co-ordinators of the 'camp' spoil me rotten. I suppose that's why I take a visit to the old digs now and again. It reminds me of why I left in the first place.

I do miss wrangling with Bee on occasion but since she's pushing 80 lbs and towers over me, I feel she has an unfair advantage. I'm not fond of being bowled over continuously like a rolling pin on a batch of beef boulion brownies and she is quite talented at pasting me with a paw the size of a dinner plate. I have to say, her enthusiasm was refreshing. She bounced up and down beside the limo window all the way down the driveway. I think if I tried that I'd dislocate a hind-quarter and wouldn't manage to get past the lower half of the hub cap. At any rate, it is nice to be around the pet humans of my puppyhood--for awhile.

I had forgotten how annoying the barn cats are. And I'd forgotten that the black ones with the white stripe are especially fragrant and not in a nice way. There are advantages to being short though. Bee took the brunt of a poorly aimed stream of poo-kitty musk and I managed to stay under the radar. That means that I'm still welcome in the domain of pet humans while Bee is, quite literally, relegated to the dog house.

I'm looking forward to long walks and squirrel chasing; to over-loaded food dishes and a nice game of tag with those saucy kitties that aren't black with a white strip. I'm keen to let my senses go wild so that when I return to my very own office at Camp Greenwood, I will have much to write about. In the meantime, as we approach the month of daffodils and tulips and all other wonderful plants created for dogs to dig up, may I wish you a hearty dose of catnip in your kibble bowl and plenty of critters to chase up trees.

A Message from Duke--Publishing

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 14:25:00 +0000

I just received a rather distressing bark-o-graph from my friend and neighbour Angela Afghan. (A 'Bark-o-graph' is dog communication--one bark is 'yes'; two barks are 'no'--you get the idea.) It appears that Angela sent her award-winning book into a contest where she could further her promotional prospects only to have it returned stamped Rejected. Not appropriate for contest. See www.IthinkI'mrightbutI'mnot.com. She then went to the website only to find a nice smarmy picture of the contest organizer with a bubble beside his head (does that make him a bubble-head?) stating the following:

If you are a self-published author, you are not an author. An author is a person who goes to the extra work of finding a real publisher. A self-published author is simply a person or dog who is too lazy to do the work needed to become stardard royalty published.

Needless to say, I, Duke the Chihuahua, champion of underdogs, had a minor hissy fit before barking out my reply to Angela. Here is what I told her:

Said contest owner might want to consider going back to grade two where they learn to read the dictionary. This is what he will find (my compliments to Merriam Webster's Deluxe Dictionary by Reader's Digest).

Author \'o-ther\ noun [Middle English auctour, from Old North French, from Latin auctor promoter, originator, author, from augere to increase--more at EKE] (14th century)

1 a : one that originates or creates : SOURCE (software authors) (the author of this crime) b capitalized : GOD 1

2 : the writer of a literary work (as a book)

Allow me to translate my lovely long-haired Angela. First, the definition, I'm certain, is older than the contest manager--so much so that when he is dead and gone dogs who know enough to look through dictionaries will forget his idiotic statement. Second, not once does the definition include the word 'publish'. An author is the creator of a literary work even if it is a cheesy poem scribbled on a napkin. Third, why would you bother gravitating toward such snobbish behaviour in the first place?

My dear Angela, obviously this human Neanderthal has no clue as to the value of self-publishing. When an author (the creator of the work) wants to have an unlimited print run, wants to hold all rights to the created work or wants to keep the bulk of the profits in his or her own pocket, that author will choose to self-publish. Conference speakers do this all the time. It has become such a popular past time that even the big standard royalty publishing houses have begun to create self-publishing imprints. And I dare say, your contest manager wouldn't catch himself telling them they are not legitimate. The key is in knowing why and how you want to publish and making certain you choose an honest self or standard publishing company. (See Chapter 24 in Duke the Chihuahua Writes!)

Dear friend, ignore the old sod. I'm guessing someone along the road has told him he's something special and he actually believed it! I'm here to correct him. We are all special. And those of us who write--whether we publish or not--are authors. The real question is: Are we good authors--now that's a different debate entirely.

Bee's First Contribution

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 13:50:00 +0000

I'm nervous (giggle) but I'll do my best. I'm pretty new at this so don't be too hard on me. I thought I'd start with some poetic prose.

Fur by Bee Shepherd

Warm and soft, it wraps around me like a cloud on an overcast day. I bury my nose deep into the thickness of my tail and wait for the sun to cut through the icy chill of the dark dawn. Who would keep me warm? Who would hold me in a temperate embrace? My pet humans? Yes, but not long enough. So I nestle into a ball and revel in the soft heat of my new winter fur.

Duke and Bee Muse Together

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 18:50:00 +0000

Bee and I have decided to share the blog. That could be interesting. In the meantime, I thought it would be fun to share a past neighbourhood get-together with you. Your's truly had the privilege of being called upon to sing. The words are a bit hazy but you notice the perfect pitch? To be expected from a seasoned Chihuahua singer.